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The Redneck Guide to Dating Etiquette
1. Do not enter your date in a female mud–wrestling contest without asking her permission.
2. Do not refer to your hunting dog as "the other woman in your life".
3. Do not mention your UFO abduction experiences until at least the third date.
4. Do not expect a woman wearing a dress to be happy about climbing into a truck with tires that are taller than she is. Be sure to warn her to wear jeans.
5. Your favorite faded Dukes of Hazard t–shirt should be saved for the fifth date or later, unless of course, it's the only clean shirt you have.
6. If the woman drives, never, ever try to get away with spitting tobacco down the side of your seat on the hope that she won't notice. She's not like your slobbering fishing buddies, so you must always roll down your window when you need to spit.
7. Never compare her figure to that of a Coors can, even if you're trying to tell her that she's real sleek.
8. Deep Woods Off! is not a substitute for deodorant.
9. Never tell a woman straight out that you can't have her name tattooed on you because your Mom, who is so proud of your biceps bearing her name, would be psychotically jealous.
10. Do not invite a woman to go cow–tipping if she's wearing high heels.
*The above is excerpted from Sandy's upcoming book of relationship humor, tentatively titled "Cliff Diving is Simpler Than Dating".
©Sandy Lindsey
About Sandy Lindsey:
Sandy Lindsey's book of fishing humor 'Seven Out of Ten Missing Fishhooks Will Eventually Be Found In An Angler's Thumb' is due out from Andrews & McMeel (Dilbert's publisher) in April '98. An as–of–yet–untitled gift book of her dog humor from Bartlett Publishing is due out in March/April '98. Sandy is a regular contributor to Boating Magazine, Angler, MidWest Outdoors, and about 40 other outdoor publications. Sandy is honored to have won this contest and thanks Margie for making it possible.
Sandy publishes a weekly column on her website.
Take a peek...
http://www.geocities.com/soho/9833/ (click on the URL)
You can also subscribe to her free e–mail humor newsletter.
Just send her your e–mail address...
select@ix.net.com (click on her e–mail address)
Margie Culbertson hereby has my official permission to use this excerpt of "The Redneck Guide to Dating Etiquette" on her web site. SL
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©Margie Culbertson
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