The Humor and Life, in Particular Web site |
DON'T SEE THE FOREST
AND IGNORE THE TREES
When you first leave the U.S. you recognize foolish habits, formerly taken for granted. For example, we Americans insist on processing all our water. Farm water, hose water, toilet water is all heated, churned, filtered and fit to drink.
We have our own style of screw. Did you know that? Bolt falls off an American machine in Mongolia, you need an American screw and nut. Wider threads are part of our national pride. Let the export business be damned.
Our measurement system is the Jerry Lewis of the scientific community. Metrics are used by 90% of the world, but we stick to our yardstick. This is particularly disquieting in the fields of landing airplanes and aiming artillery.
Dog and Cat Food are a unique American quirk. In Asia the dogs eat yesterday's white rice and chicken bones. "How long do they live?" I asked. "Ten, fit–een year".
Do you think they have daylight savings in the Ukraine?
And every American restaurant insists on re–filling your coffee at no charge. Risk second degree burns if you attempt to stop them. But ask for another free scoop of ice cream and you get this look: "Are you crazy?".
THE REAL SKINNY
If the rest of the world only knew of our little State idiosyncrasies. For example, Californian pedestrians have the right of way. Hey: the biggest vehicle has the right of way, everywhere. Foreigners always ask: "Him die ... him still have light of vay?"
In Michigan it's illegal to drive with a farm animal in the front seat.
In New York it's legal for a butcher to sell venison, but it's illegal for a restaurant to sell venison.
Pennsylvania outlawed the scalping of Indians in 1951.
City customs allow for a more ridiculous set of accepted behavior.
In Trenton, New Jersey it's illegal to serve eggs, sunny–side up. In Washington D.C. you can't drink alcohol while standing.
You can see the direction this is going. If we continue to delve into smaller units ... the neighborhood, the household, the individual ... the degree of eccentricity becomes staggering.
Why then are we surprised when a woman tries to dry her dog in a microwave ... and sues the manufacturer for not having a dog drying warning in the manual?
Or when the guy shot himself while cleaning his rifle? Three different times.
We must look PAST the odd tree of our own lives. PAST the community's numerous "exceptions" to the acceptable. PAST state and country oddities.
Also PAST the global community. What's the point of the United Nations if we can't even get our screws together?
We must see neither the Forest nor the Trees, it's too unsettling.
Concentrate on the Beyond. Beyond the "Beyond" beyond which you never imagined going beyond. And beyond that.
We'll talk sense.
I've got a monthly column on website: http://writersbbs.com/html/FishEggs/. Also a website at www. TRAVELontheCheap.com I've had humor articles in Wet Magazine, City Sports, Hollywood Casting News, etc.; been analyzed in the Village Voice as "symbolic of the zeitgeist". I've had two plays produced, OUT OF THE GARDEN is currently being produced by Love Creek Prods. on Theatre Row in New York. I have gone around the world overland, have an MFA and have taught acting, bridge and golf. And for twenty years I've ruled the basketball courts in Venice, Ca. with my outside shooting..
©Dennis Lamour
ABOUT the author:
I've got a monthly column on website: http://writersbbs.com/html/FishEggs/.
Click HERE to visit the Fish Eggs for the Soul website.
Also a website at www. TRAVELontheCheap.com.
Click HERE to visit the Travel on the Cheap website.
Dennis has also had humor articles in Wet Magazine, City Sports, Hollywood Casting News, etc.; and has been analyzed in the Village Voice as "symbolic of the zeitgeist". He's had two plays produced; OUT OF THE GARDEN is currently being produced by Love Creek Productions on theatre row in New York. He has gone around the world overland, has earned an MFA and has taught acting, bridge and golf. And finally, for twenty years Dennis has ruled the basketball courts in Venice, California with his outside shooting.
Here's Dennis!
Add this page to your favorite Social Bookmarking Sites.
It helps give the page "votes” and it helps you find this page later on!
©Margie Culbertson
Back to The Humor and Life, in Particular Home Page