The Humor and Life, in Particular Web site
author:  Margie Culbertson

October/November 2005 Humor Contest Winner
Best Short Humor!

Important Recently Discovered Information


Jon Ziegler

Well, it's taken years of research on my part, but I've discovered something that could revolutionize how we look at the relationship between husband and wife. Take a seat, this is some heavy stuff. My research has left me with the only conclusion that seems to fit. And that conclusion is:  Men and Women think differently.

Imagine the marriages that could have been saved if this information had been available even a few short years ago! It's almost as if women were from Venus and men were from men were from Florida. Yeah, that's it, it's like women were an alien life form!

Just when I had finally gotten to the place in my life where I had rid myself of all emotions that seem to interfere with making sound, logical decisions, I figure out that most women actually value these feelings, and worse yet, they seem to want to talk about them. But loving my wife, I decided that if talking about how we felt was important to her, then that's what I'd do.

Apparently though, it takes a little practice to get it right. My first attempt was after a particularly sad movie that my wife had rented and we watched together. This move was just chocked full of love's lost, children orphaned, and dreams shattered. When the movie was finally over (luckily in time to catch the end of Monster Garage) my wife tearfully turned to me and asked me how it had made me feel. Being new to the whole feelings discussion thing, but trying my best, I answered," hungry ". With a glimmer of hope in her eyes she then said," you mean hungry for love and acceptance?".

"No, hungry for pizza, I think" was my answer.The look on her face was like a loud "incorrect answer" buzzer on a TV game show.

"Tired?", was my next attempt. I was then left alone to watch the end of Monster Garage by myself.For this reason, I have prepared a list of words that seem to work as acceptable answers: 

elated (happy)

amorous (full of love)

depleted (worn out from all the emotions swirling around my head)

devastated (just imagine a ten pound bass getting off the line just as you get up to the boat)

livid (very angry)

effervescent (got this one from an old 7up commercial. I don't know what it means, but it seems to work when I don't know what else to say)

Humor is another thing that can get a man in trouble. Women do love humor, it's what alot of women actually look for first in a mate (I'm told). But it must be used correctly and at the proper time. Why do men not make dead people jokes at funerals? I can tell you that it's not because they don't want to. It's because there are women around. If ever there was a funeral where there were only men in attendance, the dearly departed would have a mustache and beard magic marked onto their face in short order. This is not out of disrespect either, it's just our way of dealing with the'sense of loss" (ad that phrase to the above list).

Men even joke in the midst of conflict. One time after an especially emotional disagreement between my wife and I, I thought I could apologize and lighten the mood at the same time by purchasing her a dozen roses and a card that said, "I'm sorry that you were wrong". Wow! don't ever try that one guys, talk about failing miserably on both the apology and the humor!

One last thing husbands, be prepared to hear this from your wife at some point:  "I feel like crying and I don't know why". Try your best to hide the shock and horror that you will feel about this obviously alien statement, and trust me, don't offer to call an ambulance. Your wife is just telling you in Venus language that she wants a hug.

©2005, Jon Ziegler

Jon is a tree trimmer living in Michigan. So tells Jon, "I have a wonderful wife and two beautiful daughters (the wife is also very beautiful)".

Further, he says "A short while ago I decided to try my hand at writing humor, and created a blog known as The How–Not–To Guide To Parenting And Marriage". There you will find many short stories as ridiculous as this one.

WEBSITE:  Jon's website can be found at the link below.
Click HERE.

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©Margie Culbertson

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