The Humor and Life, in Particular Web site
author:  Margie Culbertson

May/June '98 Humor Writing Contest Winner
Best Very Short Humor!

Unorthodox Things You Can Do
To Enhance Boat Security


Sandy Lindsey
1. Circle your boat with yellow "Crime Scene – Do Not Cross" tape and trace the chalk outline of a fallen body on deck.

2. Don't organize your boat after a day's fishing. The average criminal will mistake the mess for a vessel that has already been ransacked.

3. Leave out a key and detailed directions to a bigger, newer, better–equipped boat that's nearby.

4. Create a mannequin of a thief, such as you would a more traditional Halloween scarecrow, and place him on board to deter any subsequent criminals.

5. Surround the boat with visible trip wires, which when tripped activate a tape recording of a bomb ticking.

6. Stencil "Property of the ________ County Sheriff's Department" prominently on your hull, or casually leave a worn sheriff's shirt hanging over the back of the driver's seat.

7. Scatter fake bloodstains around on deck.

8. Post any or all of the following signs: Condemned, Seized Property of the DEA, Hazardous Waste Aboard, Warning: Asbestos Present.

9. Leave last week's fishing catch on board. (NOTE: There is one side–effect to using this method of theft–deterrent — you won't want to go back on board either.)

Exerpted from Seven Out of Ten Missing Fishhooks Will Eventually Be Found In An Angler's Thumb

©Sandy Lindsey

ABOUT the author
Sandy Lindsey is the author of several books, including Seven Out of Ten Missing Fishooks Will Eventually Be Found In An Angler's Thumb" and "Doggone Funny, both available through Barnes & Noble online and She is currently working on Campers Roasting On An Open Fire: A Camping Cookbook with a Dash of Humor, and the serious Quick & Easy Boat Maintenance, based on on her series of maintenance articles for Boating Magazine.
Click HERE to visit the Sandy Lindsey Humor Homepage.

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©Margie Culbertson

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