The Humor and Life, in Particular Web site
author:  Margie Culbertson



January/February/March '99 Humor Writing Contest winner
Best Short Humor!



A Bus Tour of Clinton's Washington

By

jet___

"Hello, folks, and welcome to Grimline Tours" special tour of Washington, D.C., the greatest Capital City in the World. We will be seeing all the famous sights and monuments, as well as pointing out the magnificent buildings where your government does its work...

"First, on your right you see the office building which houses the Department of Health and Human Services, or as it is called affectionately here— the Money Pit...

"On the other side of the street is the Department of Housing and Urban Development Building, known locally as the "Flimflam Palace."...

"Just ahead is the Supreme Court. The scaffolding on the side is semipermanent, as they have been expanding the Left Wing for the last thirty years...

"On your left now is the Jefferson Memorial, President William Jefferson Clinton's favorite Washington landmark. After all, he was named for Jefferson Davis, President of the Confederacy, who was named after Thomas Jefferson...

"Under that canvas cover is the Lincoln Memorial, which is closed for rehabilitation— the administration is trying to figure out how to rehabilitate Abraham Lincoln into a Democrat in the New History being taught today...

"This is the J. Edgar Hoover Building, headquarters of the Justice Department, where Janet Reno is only the second Top Official to wear skirts...

"On this side is the building which houses the Department of Ejucayshun, where they are working long hours on the new Phonetic Spelling Program....

"We are approaching Foggy Bottom, headquarters of the State Department, where Secretary of State Christopher runs things from the top floor offices. Secretary Christopher is fondly known as "Columbus" by State Department Officials, because he usually has no idea where they are going or what they are going to do when they get there...

"Over across the river ahead is the pentagon, the largest office building in the World, with miles of corridor and so many bathrooms they are still only half through with the project to gold–plate all the toilet seats...

"We are coming back around the other side of the Mall now, and here is the Washington Monument. This magnificent structure was begun during the Civil War. The bracket at the top is in preparation for the Fourth of July festivities, when Dr. Jocelyn Elders, the Former Surgeon General, will officiate at the unrolling of the National Condom...

"Now at this end of Pennsylvania Avenue is Number Sixteen–Hundred, one of the most famous addresses in the World. In that wing there, some of the most momentous historic decisions are made and implemented. In the opposite wing of the White House is President Clinton's Oval Office.

"The orchestra you see playing on the front lawn is the Marine Band, whose repertoire includes stirring renditions of "Inhale to the Chief" and "Send in the Clowns," the official song of the Clinton Cabinet.

"On this end of the White House is the Rose Garden, so named because any more ex–partners of the Rose Law Firm will have their ashes scattered here if they die while serving in the administration...

"We are now proceeding down Pennsylvania Avenue, the route used in the inaugural parades you have seen on television...

"On this other end of the Avenue, finally, we come to the Capitol Building, which is listed in the Book of World Records as the Greatest Brothel in the History of Mankind. It is said they can screw two hundred and fifty –million people here in one session...

"Thanks again for choosing Grimline Tours. We hope you enjoyed this one."





This article may be quoted with proper attribution/credit. Payment is welcomed from for–profit publications.



About the Author: 


jet___ (Janice E. Terry)
Journalist:  nominated 1977 LA Press Club Award for Panama Canal Story. Humorist, Columnist, Commentator:  wrote paid Editorial/Opinion for the Houston Post; Guest Editorials (conservative) for many newspapers. Wrote Column, ALL I KNOW IS WHAT I SEE IN THE MEDIA by W.T. Potus, for the Bay Area Tribune and the North Galveston County Weekly News, 1994–1996.

jet___ is bilingual in English and Spanish and frequently does Spanish to English translations for businesses. The author is available for Freelance Work as a Humorist, Frivologist, Mirthematician, Verbivore, Columnist, Editor/Writer, and Marketing Consultant.

(c)jet____ FEATURES: 


2005. In memoriam. jet__ (Janice), we shall miss you.





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