The Humor and Life, in Particular Web site
author:  Margie Culbertson

Guest Writers' Humor: October '97 Contest "Honorable Mention"
Best "Very Short" Humor!

If Only I Could Change


Don Gross

I was sitting around, trying to meld my butt to the recliner, when my mind took off on a course of its own. This doesn't happen too often, thank God, but when it does I generally try to stay out of the way and just observe. The dialog transpiring was of a pretty hefty nature considering the source, my brain: if I could only change the world, what would I change?
Obviously, I thought, the first needed change would be to place women in leadership positions all over the world. I am male, but I'm not necessarily proud of it. Guys, it's just good common sense. Think about your mother, not your wife, and you'll see what I mean.
My mother would not let me go out and play if she thought I might get my butt whipped. So wars would come to a halt. I can see the women of the world getting together just like my mom got together with other neighborhood mothers. Any time the kids were fighting or acting irresponsibly, they would ground the problem kids in their rooms until they learned how to come out and play correctly. If that didn't work they would take them out in the front yard, pull down their pants and give them apaddling that everyone could watch. Just that vision in our minds, kept most of us in line.
Can you see that image of Clinton on the White House lawn! That boy would get his act together and quit trying to screw his neighbor (or anyone else that bends over at the wrong time)!
I can promise you women would find a way to get all the restaurant leftovers to all the starving children around the globe. Maybe everyone would have to buy a Seal A Meal and quick freeze everything for shipment. In any case, the job would get done!
Another thing I would change is sex. I think it should be more often and with the women I love.
Sorry guys, my mind is starting to drift. You see, my wife is standing behind me watching me type this list.

©Don Gross
Permission granted to print my entry on The Humor and Life, in Particular Website. DG

ABOUT Don Gross:
Don Gross lives in Lawton, Oklahoma. He has worked 28 years managing retail stores for Sears and Kmart. He presently operates a home business marketing health care energy products from Japan. Says Don, "I have always had a passion for writing but have never had the time to develop the skills needed. Now I have the time! My writing goals are to work hard and become a competent wordsmith. My challenges are to refresh my grammar skills and improve my overall use of the English language. I do love to write!"

Welcome to our pages, Don!

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©Margie Culbertson

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