The Humor and Life, in Particular Web site
author:   Margie Culbertson

The Humor and Life, in Particular Web site  author:   Margie Culbertson     January '98 Humor Writing Contest Winner Best Very Short Humor!       A Post Christmas Greeting    by  Debbie Farmer

January '98 Humor Writing Contest Winner
Best Very Short Humor!

A Post Christmas Greeting

Debbie Farmer

Three days after Christmas, I finally had time to read the many cards my family had received:  a large golden card with a picture of Santa wearing an Armani tuxedo with diamond cuff links, being escorted in a limo and charging gifts by cell phone from QVC caught my attention. It was very different from the card that my family sent of Mary Kate and Ashley dressed as kissing reindeer.

When I opened it, I knew it had to be from my childless ex–college roommate, Peggy. I began to twist my hair anxiously as I read Peggy's distinctive scrawl.

Dear All:  Hope you are fine. We are, except for the sunburn Hal got in Hawaii this summer. Oh well, that's what we get for spending two months in paradise.

Hal received another raise this year. He was promoted for receiving the Nobel Peace Prize for his outstanding work in nuclear physics. He is just sick about having to go up another tax bracket so soon.

I'm completing my Masters in law this year – finally. It's tough to do while practicing to be a soloist in the New York City Ballet. That Baryshnokov will work you to death! Hal thinks I'm too skinny. The weight just seems to fly off my hips! I couldn't keep it on if I tried.

The dog is starring in a new Alpo commercial and will receive an honorary degree from Harvard this spring and the goldfish set the world's record for long–distance swimming in a fresh water pool.

Well, got to go! The novel I'm writing isn't getting any shorter and I've got to brush up on my French for our trip to Paris next week.


I was so excited to hear from my old friend that I quickly grabbed my stationery and pen to reply: 

Dear Peggy: 

It was great hearing from you! There's been excitement around here! Dave got a raise and the electricity has been turned back on! The children got fresh fruit and I got new fillings!

The baby napped for an hour a week ago and I got to vacuum two rooms in a row while watching the dog throw up in my slippers. We took a family trip to the mall yesterday and no one got lost or wet their pants. The restrooms at Macy's, Nordstrom's, and Bloomingdale's were awesome.

Well, got to run. My toddler thinks my Jello mold is a potty chair and he's headed for the kitchen.

Ciao! Ciao!

P.S. I really think you need children to enrich your life. Have a great time in France. Tell Baryshnokov "Hi."

© 1998, Debbie Farmer

About the author: 

Debbie Farmer was born in San Francisco, California, but claims she is much too young to remember "The Summer of Love." Debbie claims her first major writing gig came when she was given her own column in her sixth grade class' newspaper. There she dazzled the local literary scene (aka: the rest of the class) with her witty insights on baby hamsters and Shaun Cassidy. Later she expanded her subject matter and earned a B.A. in English Literature and Creative Writing from the University of California, Santa Cruz.

Debbie launched her syndicated column "Family Daze" in 1996 which now reaches over 400,000 readers in over 40 newspapers. "Family Daze" eventually won Honorable Mention in the National Society of Newspaper Columnists annual contest. In 2002 Debbie's column was instrumental in helping Pittsburgh Parent Magazine win a gold medal in humor writing from the Parenting Publications of America.

Her publishing credits include: "Reader's Digest", "Family Fun Magazine", "The Washington Post", "The Christian Science Monitor", "Christian Parenting Today", and "Sunset Publications", and she is featured in hundreds of parenting magazines in the U.S., Canada, and Australia. In addition, Debbie is featured in the books: Chicken Soup For The Mother's Soul II, Chicken Soup For The Gardener's Soul, Chocolate For A Woman's Courage, Life's A Stitch (with authors such as Erma Bombeck and Gloria Steinem.)

She currently lives in California with her family, two inspirational children, and way too many cats. And, speaking of cats, you can find her book, Don't Put Lipstick on the Cat, on or in bookstores.

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©Margie Culbertson

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