The Humor and Life, in Particular Web site
author:  Margie Culbertson

June/July 2006 Humor Writing Contest Winner
Best Very Short Humor!

Here Comes the Son


Faith Foyil

It's summertime again and the outside temperature is soaring nearly as rapidly as my 14–year–old son's shoe size.

Summertime in the House of the Rising Son means an increase in hamper overflow and a decrease in refrigerator contents. Wasn't it only yesterday this tame little boy sang Wheels on the Bus? Now he sings wild praise about Vipers, Ferraris and other dream Wheels.

Today, following my second mega grocery shop of the week, a group of neighborhood boys, like a pack of stray dogs, arrives sweaty and panting at my front door. Within minutes the house turns into an Xbox, MySpace and MSN oasis. Music, highlighted by occasional loud guy guffaws and belches, blares from my son's bedroom and reverberates off the dining room walls.

Medical authorities tell us to pay attention to our skin types in summer. I apparently have what is known as thin skin, since I lose my temper easily when these guys sling sopping wet towels on the bedroom floor, or worse, on my son's bed. I cringe when they slam my freezer door but leave my kitchen cupboards airing.

To assist other beleaguered parents of adolescent males this summer, I've come up with five basic SON SAFETY rules: 

1. Limit adolescent SON exposure as much as possible especially around 3 p.m. when, experts say, adult energy levels wane and we're more inclined to say "yes" to requests for a larger allowance or later curfew.

2. Arm yourself with an adequate SON BLOCK, a prepared speech in which you remind your carefree young stallion of important summer rules:  Playing ball in busy parking lots, riding bikes in heavy traffic or flaunting new and improved physiques by way of dunking younger siblings in the pool, all constitute undesirable conduct. Chatting on the phone for an hour without answering the beeping call–waiting in the background is also deemed unacceptable.

3. Never look directly at the SON and say "If you don't put your dirty boxers in the hamper right now they won't get washed," unless you really mean it. He's old enough to see through those formerly–employed, lame idle threats.

4. In order to avoid trips to the emergency room, watch out for dangerously slippery SON SPOTS on the kitchen floor from sticky sports drinks and squished brownie bits.

5. Avoid prolonged ranting, even when it's 10 pm and You've had one too many rides on the teenage emotional roller coaster. Nasty language could hurt your son psychologically, resulting in PERMANENT SON DAMAGE.

Tomorrow will be much the same as today. I'll get up, arm myself with a cup of strong tea, sneak down the hall and ponder the day's schedule.

Before I know it the dining room walls will start to shake once more to the beat of some new alternative rock song, breaking my short–lived silence. Although my teenage son is evolving in so many wonderful ways, he hasn't fully developed the renowned teen habit called "sleeping in."

When I rise this summer, The Son Also Rises.

©Faith R. Foyil

About the Author: 
Faith R. Foyil is a contributing columnist for Air Currents, the in–flight magazine for Gulfstream International Airlines, and has written for other publications including Family Circle, International Living and Road and Travel. Her books Sunny Daze:  The Humorous Misadventures of a Tropical Island Moms and 101 Haiku for Moms can be purchased online through Amazon and Barnes and Noble. Faith R. Foyil is also the author of "Sunny Daze:  The Humorous Misadventures of a Tropical Island Mom".

You can read more of Faith's writing at her website:  Click HERE.

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©Margie Culbertson

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