The Humor and Life, in Particular Web site
author:  Margie Culbertson

August/September 2006 Humor Contest Winner
Best Very Short Humor!

Stranger Danger


Frank Dragich

I was a little kid in the Eighties, and it was in vogue at the time to inundate little children with information about what you should do if a stranger ever tries to steal you. We were at the zenith of it when I was about six. There was even a record that they had commercials for during the cartoons with song titles streaming across the screen from bottom to top with the song that was playing in yellow. The one I remember had a woman singing:  "What do you do if a man tries to take you from the mall?" Then a bunch of kids responded in unison:  "Yell and scream!" Then a little girl had a solo where she yelled:  "This man isn't my daddy!" I remember wondering if she auditioned for that.

Anyway, I was at the drug store with my dad, and he dropped me off by the magazine rack where there were comic books on the bottom shelf and told me that I could pick one out and that he would be back in a minute. It was a conservative little town, and this drug store was the only place that sold dirty magazines, which were on the top shelf safely from my reach. But lo and behold, some kind soul had re–shelved one on the bottom shelf, and there it was! Playboy! Six–year–olds know about Playboy. It was in a wrapper, but I opened the wrapper to have a look. It was the weirdest thing I had ever seen. Just then my dad came back and saw what I was doing and picked me up by the waist and said:  "You little shit! You're gonna get it when we get home!" and I knew him well enough to know he wasn't kidding and racked my brain for a way out. Then it came to me. I started screaming:  "This man isn't my daddy!" Everyone in the drug store looked over at us. "Yes, I am," he said and drug me out of there and no one did anything. When we got home he beat the shit out of me.

©2006, Frank Dragich

Frank Dragich lives in Florida. He spent the first twenty years of his professional life as an alligator wrestler for a Christian Science ministry but was forced to retire after he was furloughed. He has published several works under several different names to protect his identity as a United States senator.

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