The Humor and Life, in Particular Web site
author:  Margie Culbertson

October/November "02 Humor Writing Contest Winner
Best "Very Short" Humor!

Pass The SPF-30, Santa.

(Based on a true story)


Dan O"Leary

"Twas a weekend in August, and all through the mall
Was a business–as–usual day there for all.
The shoppers meandered through retail–store chains
While "Back–to–School" sale prices danced in their brains.

My wife and I strode through the climatized air
In hopes of some bargains that we might find there.
Then I heard something strange amid Muzak and chatter
And turned to find out just what was the matter.

The song was familiar, but imagine my shock
When I realized the tune, it was "Jingle Bell Rock. "
Then what to my wandering eyes should appear
In the card store -- A sleigh! And eight tiny reindeer!

Ornamentals and trinkets for this year's Christmas season
Were for sale in the summer without rhyme or reason.
First Hallmark! Then Shoebox! American Greetings!
All wanting to sell me their holiday treatings.

"It's absurd," I exclaimed,
"Under what strange delusion
Would I buy Christmas stuff Before summer's conclusion?

Who wants to buy stockings and new Christmas trees
When out in the sunshine, it's 90 degrees?"

The clerk looked at me with an unblinking stare
Indicating to me that she just didn't care.
"It's just what they do," she said with a sneer,
"Christmas season starts sooner with each passing year."

I turned to my wife, "Don't you think it's obscene
To start Christmas shopping before Halloween?
If this trend doesn't stop, we'll end up someday
With the Easter Bunny driving his very own sleigh."

And so, with a sigh, annoyed and dismayed,
We walked to the exit, past the items displayed.
Past the cards and the tinsel and green mistletoe
(Though we did buy a bottle of eggnog to go.)

And the words that we spoke as we left, I remember,
"We're off to the beach, we'll come back in December."

©Dan O"Leary

And it doesn't make me feel any better that Margie tells me that at the University of Texas at Austin every April Fools" Day they play Christmas music on the hour from the bell tower.

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©Margie Culbertson

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